BREAST IMPLANT ILLNESS SURVIVOR

Less than a decade ago I decided to alter my body with breast implants. I thought this would be the answer to the low self esteem & lack of confidence I was dealing with at that time. I shared with my husband that I was considering implants and he supported me although he did not agree with my decision. In fact, he tried to persuade me not to go through it up until the last minute before surgery.  I assured him I had done a thorough research on pros and cons and felt I was making the right choice. My doctor reassured me the implants were safe and would never have to replace them unless I wanted to increase in size. In fact, right after he had prepared me to go into surgery, and had given me a relaxer,  he persuaded me to get bigger implants than what we had agreed on during the consultation. He said it would make a difference on creating the cleavage and side boob effect. This would make me look “sexier.” What he never discussed was the possibility of suffering from Breast Implant Illness. Why would he? This is how plastic surgeons and the multibillion dollar industry makes a profit. 

Immediately after the surgery, my body was fighting inflammation. The next morning, I felt like I had a heavy load of bricks on top of my chest making it difficult to take a deep breath. Eventually I became used to it. My recovery went smooth, my scars healed pretty fast and my breast took around six months to look more natural. Weeks after I implanted, I kept getting recurring yeast infections, body rashes, sinus infections and continued to have difficulty taking deep breaths. Later, I started experiencing chronic fatigue, migraine headaches, irritable bowel syndrome, memory loss, brain fog, join pain, achy feet, insomnia, night sweats, weight gain, food allergies, feeling weak- couldn’t open a simple jar or make a closed fist, I had vision issues, heart palpitations, anxiety attacks, depression was magnified with suicidal thoughts, ringing in ears, sound sensitivity, dry eyes, metallic taste, bloating, premature aging, hair loss and couldn’t run without feeling like I was going to collapse. I felt so tired that I did not have the energy to get out of bed. I was falling asleep throughout the day at work and I couldn’t concentrate anymore. I was having a difficult time just speaking and finding the words to communicate.  

I kept thinking these symptoms were part of me aging. I noticed my hair turning gray- how could this be when my parents didn’t have gray hairs until after their 50’s?  My periods became more irregular and painful and doctors kept telling me my bloodwork was normal. I consulted with my gynecologist and family doctor when I noticed large bald spots throughout my head. Both said I was dealing with an unknown autoimmune illness. The dermatologist diagnosed me with Alopecia Areata. Nothing could be done. Either I got steroid creams or injections but even then there was no reassurance my hair would stop falling or would come back. Slowly my breast implants were deteriorating my mental, emotional and physical health.  

Two years ago, I came across a public post on facebook about Breast Implant Illness- this was the first time I had read about it or even heard of the terminology. The list of symptoms were just like mine. I messaged the lady and she told me about her experience with the implants and her explant. Even though I was suffering, I kept thinking this was crazy. No way my implants are getting me sick. There was no way I would remove them now. They were supposed to be safe. I loved my breast. I mean, I got them and always dressed conservative but the thought of removing them was out of the question. I always felt they were too big for me and felt guilt, regret and shame for agreeing to increase the size before the surgery but removing them was not an option. I needed to find answers to better my health and I was open to listening. 

The lady shared with me information about a facebook group by the name of Breast Implant Illness and Healing by Nicole.  The group has women from all over the world suffering from the same symptoms. I immediately joined the group and no one could ever prepare me for what I was about to see and learn. At first, I felt it was a group of people with similar symptoms but I was in denial. To be honest with you, I felt these women probably didn’t eat healthy, did not exercise or took care of themselves. Perhaps, they tried to save money and did not go to the right surgeon. My curiosity grew and I started to see familiar faces. Women I knew on facebook that were dealing with the same problems. I still would just stay incognito. I would log in and read for hours before bed-  all the stories from thousands of women that were suffering.  I would not comment, like or ask anything. I followed stories of women implanting and getting sick immediately, others got sick after their second set, and others had decades with their implants before they realized the implants were the root of the cause. I saw the transformation of women suffering, explanting and then feeling better. 

Still in denial, I thought it was too much of a coincidence. Our minds are so powerful that maybe these women have been brainwashed and felt better after explanting simply because they read stories of “the heal is real” from others. 

I became obsessed trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I kept doing my own research. I went to bed stressing about not being able to breathe. I would wake up in the middle of the night sweating and gasping for air. I felt difficulty swallowing my own saliva. I would get up and cry from the lack of sleep and the visible body inflammation.  My doctors kept telling me I was fine. How can I be fine when I feel like I am dying? I was sacrificing my health simply because I was afraid of what I would look like after surgery. How could I continue to speak about Breaking the Cycle and being authentic on my social media when I was afraid to go back to my genuine self?

One morning I woke up and decided that I was going to reclaim my health. I had reached a different stage in my life and I no longer needed implants to make me feel more secure and confident. I knew my worth was not determined by the size of my breast or how well my cup filled that perfect dress. 

The Breast Implant Illness Facebook group helped me to gather resources on finding the right surgeon that would perform the proper explant with full capsulectomy. The implants have 40+toxic chemicals and heavy metals used to make the implants. These are the same for silicone and saline implants because both have a silicone outer shell. 

The explant surgery is more expensive and complex than getting implants. My explant was more painful than the implanting surgery. The doctor does not just remove the implants. He has to make sure he performs a total capsulectomy- removal of the capsule that is formed around the implants to protect your body from ruptured implants. Most often the same doctor that does the implants may not be qualified to do an explant. I have heard horrible stories from women trying to save money by getting an explant from inexperienced plastic surgeons.  Some doctors will tell you that removing the capsules will make you look more disfigured. These doctors just want to make a profit and they don’t really know how to properly perform an explant. If you find one that tells you the capsules don’t need to be removed- run the opposite way.

I found one of the best specialists in Houston and scheduled my explant that following December 29th, 2020. I did not have my explant with the same doctor that did my implanting. I had lost trust in him. I gained the courage to scheduled the surgery and the journey to healing. The night before surgery I prepared the guest room with the essentials I needed (Prescribed pain meds, gauze, cough drops, snacks, books, blanket, pregnancy pillow to get comfortable sleeping on my back for weeks and charger. 

The day of the surgery I was extremely nervous since no one could be with me due to Covid regulations. I walked into the hospital feeling nervous but excited to know that within hours, I would be relieved from the toxic bags that were making me sick. The surgery took 4 hours and I went home after observation. 

For the next 4 weeks I would not be able to use my arms. My hubby became my bedside nurse. I would be resting and healing. I took time off from work, social media and turned off my phone. I was so relieved to finally take a deep breath. I was feeling extremely emotional, especially the first time I removed the bandage and I saw my breast with such big scars. The scars were much bigger this time due to the removal of the capsules. My breast looked different from what I last saw. I also had drains coming from the side of my breast to remove the wound fluid and prevent complications. From 10 days after surgery, drains hung from each incision area, collecting liquid that had to be emptied twice a day. The liquid that gathers can cause a hematoma inside the body. I am grateful to have had a safe recovery. I had very emotional/reflective days throughout my recovery. I felt so much anger by putting my body and family through all that pain and changes. It was a physical, emotional and financial strain. 

I wanted to talk about it and share on my social media, but I was not ready. I was still mad and sensitive. For a moment I worried about what others would think, and how I would be judged. This is the same reason many women would rather not talk about it. There were a lot of tears and mixed emotions. Indeed a lot of healing and taking care of my body. Our bodies are amazing.

It takes strength and courage to share such a journey. We all make life decisions. Some are good and some are bad. They all have consequences and a lesson to learn. I have learned through my story that I put my life in danger because I wanted to be accepted by society, and I wanted to feel beautiful. I thought that feeling beautiful on the outside would give me the inner confidence to reach all my goals. Little did I know that I had everything needed to know my worth. I invested on the outside before considering investing on the inside and my personal healing. The acceptance and definition of “beauty” from others is not the true definition of our beauty. 

I am a breast implant illness survivor and feel more authentic than I have ever felt before. I am beyond grateful to have a supportive husband and to be on the road to recovery. Since my explant, I have noticed changes in the symptoms amongst those, less inflammation ( lost 20lbs), less eye redness and burn sensation, I can take deep breaths, the brain fog has minimized, my joints don’t hurt as much, I don’t have as many anxiety attacks, and I have more energy. I did not expect for things to be perfect but I am glad to continue to see progress. The scars will always be a reminder of my strength to find self love and self acceptance. Today, I feel more confident, more authentic, sexier and comfortable on my own skin with my smaller natural breast. 

This post is not to judge anyone that has chosen to get implants or is considering getting them. Hello! I was there a few years back.  We all do with our bodies what we decide is best for us. This is to create awareness on what can happen and it is not discussed so openly during consultations. I didn’t know anything about BIL when I was making my decision to implant. In fact, most doctors will still deny this is true and tell their patients this is all psychological.  The FDA finally added the Black Box Label, but no one gets to see the box before or after surgery. It’s not like you get the box with a new pair of shoes. It is up to the patient to advocate for themselves. Over 140K women on facebook have the same symptoms and similar experiences. Just to give you an example of how dangerous the implants are- some hospitals won’t release the implants to the patients. They will also tell you it is not safe to keep your implants because they are biohazard. Really? They are a biohazard outside of my body but safe in my chest!

The medical industry prefers to ignore all these stories to protect their billion dollar industry at the cost of uninformed women. Please don’t fall for the excuse that if they were safe no one would get them, or just will get proportionate implants so there will be no side effects. 

I am sharing my story to create awareness. I am sharing my experience in case you are considering implanting or explanting. I am also sharing this to let you know that you are already beautiful. Sure, we get lost looking at other people’s social media “life” and how wonderful and happy it seems. Many women are suffering in silence and don’t know what is going on. Don’t believe everything on social media.

As a woman, a sister, an auntie- I think about what message I wanted to pass on to the young girls, and other women in my family. How would I impact their lives, telling them one thing but showing them different. How can I continue to spread the message of the importance of authenticity, owning who they are, and understanding their self worth if I had not done that myself? Their value is not on their weight, the size of their waist, and breast but rather their true genuine natural beauty. 

Please do your research before making such a life altering decision. Today 12/29/2021 marks a One Year anniversary since I explanted. I am so glad I advocated for myself and did not let fear hold me back from reclaiming my health back. I am very grateful to continue with this healing journey and bringing awareness to other women.

More and more women including celebrities are explanting and very open about it. I hope this post helps anyone that was searching for answers. If I can help at least one person to reconsider their decision, then I have helped someone else not make the same mistakes I did.

Remember …………

You are enough, when we know better we do better, and love yourself!

Links 

www.breastimplantillness.com

Facebook Group

https://www.facebook.com/groups/Healingbreastimplantillness/

FDA finally adds warning message

https://www.fda.gov/medical-devices/implants-and-prosthetics/breast-implants

Information on what the implants are made of:

https://www.breastimplantillness.com/safety/#:~:text=There%20are%20over%2040%2B%20toxic,the%20concoction%20of%20breast%20implants.

Instagram accounts-

@breast_implant_illness

Michelle Visage- Breast Implant Illness movie on paramount plus- EXPLANT